Phobia

I'm scared. After that incident, a wall has been built up ever since. I can't seem to break the wall down.. I just can't easily let my guards down anymore. It's not that I don't trust you but because I've been hurt so badly this time round.. In fact, this is the first time that I've been really hurt, not physically but emotionally. Don't get me wrong, I still love you.. And honestly, I've never loved someone so much before.. So much that I'm willing to give you anything or everything. Even my friends can tell that. There are so many "what ifs" in my mind right now.. There's like a scar in my heart. So afraid that I might get hurt again. So afraid that it has all been a lie, right from the start. I just wish I was a little stronger. I wish I wouldn't even cry over this, I wish my heart was as strong as a steel..

Each and every time I see her name, I would just boil up.
Even if it's something similar. As long as it starts with V.
Grrrrrrr. I mean, she didn't do anything wrong but it would just remind me of the conversation they had.
It's damn fucked up. I don't even understand why he'll send those text to her..
But whatever it is, the past is the past.
Even though it's more like his fault because he was the one that send those stupid text, but I can't get angry at him because when you love someone, no matter what they do, you'll always forgive them.
(I just wish he didn't take it for granted)

On a side note, it's day 2 of field camp.
I just wish time could forward faster!
I miss talking to him already ):
Every night, it just feels so lonely.......

23 November 2012

A day I'll always remember.

Sometimes, I wonder how you'll be like.

Different

This relationship is different, different from all the past relationships I've been in.
I've never felt so in love with someone before.
Honestly, the past few relationships just felt like it was all for fun.
(No, I'm not a player but I just guess I wasn't mature enough and wasn't really serious about it.)
And in the past, my feelings usually have a very short life span
they tend to fade away easily and fast.. but this time, it didn't.
It's already the 5th month we've been together and my feelings for you hasn't change a single bit.
I know 5 months isn't long but I guess we've been through more than what usually couples would go through.
For the first time, I cried so badly just because I was afraid to lose you.
There's once when you almost choose to fly off to Malaysia so that we can have some time to ourselves to think about things, think about us.
You're very insecure. You always say that there's someone else out there who is way better than you and you would rather I choose that guy and leave you.
Whether or not there's someone else way better, I would still choose to stay.
How do you easily get out of a relationship when you're already so in love?
You told me all I needed was time and I would get over it.. but I don't think I would
It's easier said than to be done.
So after many times of crying and 'begging', we didn't have the 'break' in the end.
In the first place, I don't even think a break was necessary.
You've pushed me away countless of times. You said it's because you love me and think that I deserve better.
Sometimes, I really wonder if it's really that way or you're just finding an easier way out.
Now you're in the army and we're both having a hard time
You have to go through all those army shit while I go through the emotional part of it.
I miss you so badly each and every single day, especially when there's no means of contacting each other
Sometimes you can't reply because you're busy.. and I understand that.
I mean, I have to. It's not like you want to go through army too.
Things got tougher ever since we've found out about *..
Then on, not only do I have to go through the pain emotionally but also physically.
But I'm glad it's over.. One thing off my mind for now, I guess?
One month plus more to go till you POP.